Stardust

I found her in the desert lying on the hood of her dark green pickup truck. I knew where to find her. She always went to the same place when she wanted to be alone. I usually tried to give her some space, but tonight I figured she could use someone to talk to. She felt my presence as I came closer to her.

“I knew you’d find me. You know me well, don’t you Kelly?”, she said, giving me a crooked smile. She cleared space and I lay beside her. It was the beginning of the spring, but tonight was chilly. The sky, though, was clear.

“Do you know why I love to come here?”, she asked. I shook my head. “Because it’s the only place in town where you can actually see the stars”.

“Mom and dad are still pretty upset”, I said, changing the subject abruptly. She looked at me silently. She had very enigmatic eyes. They say eyes are the windows to one’s soul, but I had the impression that anyone who tried to penetrate her mind though her eyes would get lost in the wildness of her dark-brown irises.

She bit her lower lip and sighed. I could tell that she was feeling guilty. I knew she didn’t want to disappoint mom and dad. What I did not understand was why she was choosing to leave. We had a place in our family business secured since we were born.  It was good enough for me. It was a promise that we would never struggle financially. I’ve always thought it was good enough for her too. 

 “Remember when we were kids and we visited dad at work?”, she asked.

“Yeah. We pretended we were the bosses!”, I replied.

“Do you remember what I said when Martha asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up?”

“You looked at her, like… very serious and said...”

“Dad, of course”. We said simultaneously and burst out laughing.  It felt good to be laughing with her. It slightly broke the tension of the situation. Even the air felt warmer for a while. However, the brief light moment was shortly gone and we went back to that awkward silence. The wind blew cold.

“I wonder when I gave up trying to be like dad”, she uttered, almost in a whisper, “I guess I realized I just wanted to be... me”

She sat, involved her legs in an embrace and began to cry. I didn’t know what to do so I just put my arm around her. 

“I don’t want you to leave”, I finally confessed. I thought I had upset her, but the look she gave me was very endearing.

“Look around, Kelly. There’s only dust. This whole city... is just dust. I don’t want to become one more grain on the ground.” she said, “Now look at the stars. They seem so far away and still... so close. I know so many people fail. I know it’s hard to make it, but… I need to try. I wanna reach the sky and shine like the stars. If I stay I’ll just... fade away. ”

She had stopped crying. I felt like she was telling me a secret, something she hadn’t confessed to anyone else. It felt good. It felt like I could finally see her. I understood and I respected her for this decision. I involved her in a hug and felt the warmness of her body. 

“I’m gonna miss you, sis”.

We, then, turned our sight back to the stars.